No substitute for experience

That's the slogan for an insurance company's appraisal service. I spend a lot of time at work going over an insurance company's estimate, matching it up in our system just so I can create a supplement for the things they missed. A lot of the time the things they missed were on our original estimate, but they HAVE to cut it some way. All this does is create more and more paperwork. Why can't it just be done right the first time? I get so tired of it. I came in this morning and I've already had to do two of these. Two that now have two supplements because an adjuster has to make his numbers look good for his boss.

Rude, but sometimes humorous

I have a family member that doesn't give any thought to what comes out of her mouth. Some of things she says are rude and offensive. Recently she told another relative's mother that she looked like Joan Rivers! I can't help but laugh. For years now I have known of a female impersonator that strongly resembles this member of my family. I'm not the only one who has stated this. Some of my friends have agreed with me. Without further adieu....

“There’s a dead body in my room, and I can’t find Jamie,” she screamed.

Great...grandma

What started out as a possible child abandonment case in Omaha turned out to be a misunderstanding, police say.
Police received a call from a woman who said another woman she didn't know had driven up to her home, handed her a baby boy and a diaper bag and left.
It turns out the woman was the baby's grandmother and thought she was dropping the baby off at day care, but she had the wrong address, officers said.
Police said the incident on Wednesday was a misunderstanding, and no charges will be filed.
The infant was placed in foster care for several hours until his mother showed up at police headquarters after seeing pictures of her baby on television news.

I Know How You Feel

Last night was just like any other. Margaret, on her way to see the Merry Pranksters was already feeling good by the time she got behind the wheel of her Buick Roadmaster Estate Wagon. Margaret was on her third six-pack of Red Stripe when she came barreling off 264 onto Bardstown Rd. She made a stop at Twig and Leaf to allay herself. As Margaret pissed she thought she might get tired at the show. "Do you have any Tina?" Margaret asked a girl in the restroom. The girl was in disbelief as to what she just heard.
"Uh, uh. I ain't got no meth. You want a yellow jacket?" Asked the noticeably trashy girl. Margaret swallowed the yellow jacket with ease, smoked a menthol cigarette, drank two more beers, and started back down the road.

BOOM! CLING! CLANG! JAMSLAMJAMBAM! BABABABABABABBAMBAM!

"Fuck! My bike!" "Oh no! My sportster!" "No!No!.NO!"
Margaret had veered off to the right just as she approached Whisky Bob's and wiped out all of the motorcycles parked outside! Margaret couldn't help but laugh. She was hysterical. "Don't y'all think this outlaw bit's done got out of hand?" She asked a man who was irate.
Margaret ignored the angry antics as she picked up the pieces to her wooden paneling. Minutes later uniformed police officers arrived at the seldom scene. As the cops began questioning witnesses Margaret asked, Can we speed things up? I have a Broker's Exam in the morning. Just then, Margaret's coworker, Scott Galkin pulled up at the repugnant scene. "Uh hey Margaret, uh, did you do all this? You're a big drinker aren't ya?" He asked. Margaret just stared off into the unknown realms of her polysaturated mind.
The police handcuffed Marge and placed her in the back of the cruiser. She was taken to lockup where she would be placed on a $5000 bond. After making her call to her millionaire beau and attorney Charlie Rickets, Margaret was led to a cell. "This place is nothing like San Quinton," laughed Margaret as she pulled out an electric razor and began to shave her inner thighs.
After her brief, but memorable stay at the jail, Margaret left feeling like she had lost her place in society. She arrived home to find that her electric had been cut off. As she reached the top of her steps in complete darkness, she tripped over her toaster/curling iron/electrolysis machine along with the tariff book she stole from UPS. Margaret went over to the phone to find out what needed to be done to obtain her Roadmaster from the impoundment lot. She requested that the car be towed to English Station Body Shop so that the damage could be assessed. Now Margaret needed a ride to the shop. She called her longtime friend and aircraft parts specialist, Kchauffeurburn. Kacie agreed to chauffer Margaret to the main body shop center after she got her chicken nuggets and sauerkraut out of the front yard.
On the way to the body shop, Margaret had a thought; she was tired of being a rater. "Kacie, how different can an airplane be from a car?" Questioned a pseudo-sophisticated Margaret. Always one to encourage, Kacie told Margaret that she should apply for a grade ten. "Forget about that broker's exam. $200 sounds like a scam to me anyway. Nobody passes," chuckled Kacie.
Margaret was in dismay when she got wind of the price to repair her vehicle. "I'm divorced. Any UPS discount you could give me would be tremendously appreciated," she boomed. The estimator ignored Margaret's requests. She had no choice but to fix the car she so dearly esteemed. She got a rental car and went home to sit in the darkness.
Margaret felt so jittery on her way home. "If only I had something to serve the nerves," she thought to herself. She stopped by the home of a man she used to smoke marijuana with. He wasn't home, but she felt he owed her for all the times she got intimate with him and didn't enjoy his company. Margaret busted his sash, went in his basement, and chiseled open the lockbox he kept his "smoke of hell" located in. She quickly smoked four joints, extinguishing each one on the luxurious furniture she had once faked orgasms on. She sprayed the word "PUD" on the gentleman's front lawn with weed killer before vanishing into the night in her nimble rental car.

To Leslie

Have you heard about the lonesome loser?

Static in my attic from channel Z (350Z, bitch!)

My partial horoscope for today reads: The problem, however, is that you may not be able to wrap your logical mind around the deeper perspectives you are feeling. Don't be dismayed by this difficult task; determination is your greatest ally at this time. I already feel dismayed. Not really. I'll have to google it. I'm waiting to find out the grade on my spreadsheet exam that was due last night. There's already been a parent arrested at the lovely Westport Middle School this morning. She put a girl that her daughter was arguing with in a head lock! One time she picked her daughter up and under reason for signing her out she put, "Crazy fuckin' principal." Quality. I think once I get some money again, I need to have a professional install whatever I need to listen to my iPod clearly in the car. The slightest bit of static really pisses me off. We still haven't received an estimate from the insurance company on the car. Such a shame we couldn't just sell it as is, ha. I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that there's no used parts out there for it. God bless mother nature!

Life's Full Of Surprises

Jamie called me this morning and told me she had a wild night. I was expecting some drama, not that her Dad had a partial stroke! Her Mom called her at work and told her she needed to go check on her Dad right away because he didn't sound good. She got there and called 911 to come get him. He's still in the hospital today, but better now. If he didn't get help right away he might not have made it or he'd be worse off. He's only 44. I'm looking forward to a good Mother's Day. My Mom's already happy with her iPod. I think I've got her about 400 songs on it so far. She's been working out with it and taking it with her to work. She has an eighth grade office aide that wants me to make her some Guns N Roses and Poison CD's. I was amazed that someone that young would like them. Now I on the other hand, well I grew up (with my cousins) and a boom box chock full of great 80's rock. The girl's Mom went into labor at a GNR show so she gave her the middle name of "Rose." I wonder how Emily Rose Zachary got her middle name? Boy, I sure am goofy.

Who Killed Bambi?

Well, I don't think I killed her, as I didn't see her on the side of the road when I turned around. But, I definitely scared the shit out of her as witnessed in the top photo of the grille. I slowed down for one, then out came another one and I got her. Way to start off a Friday morning! It could've been worse, but it also could've been a hell of a lot better!

Bad ergonomics...and a bad grade

What am I doing wrong at my desk(s) that makes my shoulders feel tense all the time? Maybe I should do more lat exercises or something. I'd really like one of those expensive chairs from Sharper Image. :-) I'm doing awful in my Spreadsheet Applications class. I never dreamed spreadsheets would be so difficult. I've done the simple things with them since middle school. I've got an exam coming up next week over pivot tables. I've really got to pull through and get an outstanding grade on this one. I do not want to have to take this class over! The assignments that were due today were kind of tough. I emailed everyone in the class for some help. I got two replies, but they weren't of much help. One volunteered to take a look at my work tomorrow. It had to be turned in today!

My life's a blur....

Who won the Derby? I was asleep. I partied too hard on Friday night, thus inducing a hangover. I came home Saturday around noon and slept until 7. Lots of funny things happened to other people on Derby. An open tailgate led to the destruction of several beers and an overnight bag nowhere to be found. One man's eye brow and hair were singed due to a "cheap" grill that only ignited on HIGH. I got a 73 on my latest test in accounting. I did better on the Small Business Mgt mid-term with an 88.

Margaret Plamp looks desperation in the eye.

Last night, Margaret went out to Coyotes with her snaggletooth friend, "V." Upon rolling into the parking lot, several people were shouting and waving at Margaret. She thought they were just being friendly. In reality, there was an inferno under the hood of her Diplomat! Once aware, Margaret grabbed her bottle of Old Forrester and high tailed it out of the blaze of glory. She took a big swig and played air guitar to ZZ Top's "Give me all your lovin'." "I'm going to have to buy a new son of a bitchin' car," Margaret boomed to V. V had just been in altercation with a woman on the dance floor who was reluctant to share "her space." "I think I broke my damn nose," said a smug V. Margaret gazed at her Diplomat in disbelief. She hung her head in shame and took a cab back to her dwelling. A week later, Margeret was ready to give her shot at a good time a second try. No longer amused by V's ghetto antics, Marge decided to join another group of friends in the enclave of Taylor Blvd. Upon arriving at C's house, Margaret was an outcast among outcasts. Nothing could have prepared her for what would happen. A drunken man got an attitude with another man and wanted to see who was tough enough to put him in a full nelson. Once the brawl was disrupted, the drunk man went upstairs, still rambling, much to the dismay of the other men. They had had enough. Margaret tried to distract them by imitating the strippers down the street who were freestyling in the front yard as they gyrated in their clear heels and neglected their babies. Her distractions didn't distract the men from waiting for the drunk to race down the stairs. They grabbed him and threw him through the front door! He landed in the yard with the door and a rocking chair. Suddenly it was like Ric Ocasek was right there. Margaret spewed out, "Let the good times roll." She wrapped her thigh highs around a man and told him to brush her "rock and roll hair." By now, C & E had no tolerance for Margaret's antics. She sensed that all wasn't right and decided to make an exit. Margaret began to walk home. Dressed in black, she decided it would be to her benefit to move off the street and onto the sidewalk. In the midst of the transition, Margaret succumbed to gravity and fell in the drainage ditch, knocking herself out and fracturing her left forearm! While giving herself time to heal, Margaret was getting cabin fever. She decided she'd boil some hot dogs and move her waterbed. The waterbed was too heavy for her to move alone, but Marge wasn't going to let this obstacle overcome her. As she gave it a big tug she heard something pop in her back. The pain was immeasurable! It was so bad that she forgot all about her hot dogs and laid on the couch, thus allowing time for one hell of a kitchen fire! Just as the flames were extinguished, the dreaded sound of the phone rang. Margaret's employer, Stooge's bar and grill, was on the other end. They had called to tell her she had been terminated. What would ever become of Margeret without a job, a charred kitchen, a fractured forearm, and failed back syndrome?

Academics

I've had lots going on lately. Nothing too exciting, just work, school, and some social time among life's other routines. I'm sitting here procrastinating now. My Business Management instructor posted a note on Monday that at this point we should be 2/3 through with our 15-20 page business plan. I haven't really started! I've got several websites I can look at, along with a CD that came with the book of a sample business plan. I have that to contend with along with two exams to take before midnight on Sunday. I scored an 84 on my mid-term exam last weekend for another class. That's my only great achievement right now. I'm doing horrible in Spreadsheet Applications. I don't think this woman posts her instructions very well. She writes everything in red and blue, with an overabundance of information. This caused me not to see that there was assignments the first week, which I got all 0's for! I got a 76 on the exam in there. I should go get crackin' on the books now. It doesn't look like I'm doing any Derby celebrating. I'm fine by that! The whole city jacks up prices on everything.